Dress-up: F*ck Me Pumps

I LOVE SHOES. I think I like shoes almost as much as I love sex.

When it comes to dressing up to take it off shoes can make the outfit.

I know that some men could care less when it comes to lingerie and costumes but this isn't about them, this is for you ladies. Personally I just feel sexier in heels. They boost your bedroom bravado and nothing looks better on a woman than confidence. Not convinced yet?... Did you know heels make you look thinner, your legs look longer and leaner, and your booty look higher...

From an economic standpoint shoes can be a very inexpensive way to step-up dress-up game. There's no need to go for red soles. My suggestion is to check out Snaz75. They have a wide variety of styles and sizes (up to size 12+ in most styles) at some of the lowest prices I've seen on the web.

In terms of what type of shoe I have three suggestions:

• The Executive: This shoe can blend pretty seamlessly into most corporate wardrobes. It works in front of and behind closed doors. If you're single rocking these will garner you a few extra head turns and a maybe a free drink of two at happy hour. If you're coupled up, I suggest pairing these with a teddy or garter stockings under your normal nine to five gear and slowly stripping down for that special someone once you're off the clock (or on the clock... office doors w/ locks have a purpose).

5" Pointed Toe Platform * CATWALK-11 $22.99

• The Alter Ego: It's always fun to pick up a pair of more costumey heels. Select something that complements your pillow personality. If your alter's name was Cherry for example, you might go with these:

5 3/4" Platform Pump * TEEZE-13 $59.99

• The Street Walker: I wouldn't wear them every night (unless you're workin... JOKES!) but every now and then when you're feeling like being a little slutty, these will definitely get your man's attention and get his man AT attention and he'll know it's gonna be a porntastic sloppy BJ kinda night.

5 1/2" Stiletto * ALLURE-609 $34.99

Put it on, turn out the light

s, and take it all off... well... leave on the shoes ;)

Dress-up: Unwrapped

Tie me up, tie me down!

Anybody into bondage? No!?!? Are you sure? S&M gets a bad rap. It doesn't have to be all whips, chains and latex body suits. A little sub/dom play can be soft, silky and fun!

The geniuses over at Liberator.com have these great Silk Binding Sashes! Retailing at $79, their Deluxe Kit comes with three 7' sashes and two 14' sashes. They come in three colors: champagne, crimson and black. You can use these bands of silk to simply tie someone to the bed post or you could get really creative and craft intricate knots and bindings as in the illustration above. If you can't swing the $79 you could hit up you man's closet and steal some ties, though, depending on how uh... vigorous your playtime is you may want to hit up the thrift store so you don't have to worry about stretching out your man's new Ike Behar neckwear or explaining any stains at the dry cleaners.

Loosen up, shake off your inhibitions, pick a "safe word" and give it a try! Everything is better with a bow on it!

Dress-up: KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid)

Is anybody else broke?

Lingerie is expensive and we are in a recession. Sometimes dressing up is about what you don't wear. Next time you want to jazz things up a bit try focusing on just one accessory.

Ladies, greet your man wearing just a pair of killer stilettos, or a long pearl necklace *pause* or even knee high socks. Keep it simple. You could even try on something of theirs like a hat, a favorite tie, or even their watch. Throw on their favorite chain/necklace and lay in the bed fingering it playfully (THE CHAIN!... though... on second thought, that would work too) and give them the come get it look. If it's dinner time, wear just an apron. There are outfits all over your house, you just have to put some thought into it.

Top off your look by glamming up your make-up so you're boudoir beautiful. You don't want to over do it, again keep it simple...

For an" innocent" look... put some white liner on the outer corners of your eyes to widen them, dust on a some translucent powder for a little shimmer, and finish with a subtle tinted gloss.

For a "naughty" look... neatly line your eyes with a black creme liner, give your lashes some boost with some mascara (try Maybelline XXL Curl Power... it gives volume, length and curl!!), use some translucent powder for shimmer, and finish with a rich, 'come fuck me' lipstick (my fave is Diablo by Nars).

Oh... and do your nails!!!

PS: For my male readers who want to get in on the action, two words: bow tie!

Dress-up: Bras and Big Bubbies!!

Size matters...

Today I'd like to tackle the topic of tatas, or more accurately what we house them in :) Did you know that 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size? I did! I see it every day. It's a fashion tragedy. I've seen women of all shapes and sizes wearing terrible bras that ruin their outfit and give them an unflattering silhouette.

Finding the right size bra, and the right bra can be a long journey for some of us. I was 25 before I found out exactly what size bra I should wear. Being blessed with an ample bosom I'd been rocking a DD-DDD cup bra since 11th grade. When the cups still didn't fit right, I just kept increasing the band size. I found out a few years back, that was a no-no. I made a visit to NYC's La Petite Coquette for a bra fitting and went from wearing a 38DDD to a 34H. (Yes, chile an H!!!)

The change was dramatic. I looked 20lbs lighter instantly and felt that much more confident. I challenge every woman be you and A cup or an E to go get fitted for a bra. While I love Victoria's Secret, I suggest going to a specialty bra shop or to a high end department store like Nordstroms. Back in the day the sales associates at Vicki's used to be on point and were professionals, but nowadays I'm not trusting a college student who needs some extra $$$ to give me an accurate fitting.

Also let me clarify, my breasts aren't THAT ginormous. Some might disagree, but you must remember cup size is based on a ratio. I'm busty w/ a narrow torso so my cup size is larger. The cup on a 34 B is going to be smaller than the cup on a 38 B. All B cups are not the same size, nor are any other cup sizes. Each cup size is different depending on the band with. This is what causes a lot of size confusion. If you're wearing a 36 B and your bra rides up in the back, but the cups fit fine, then your band size is too large and you'd probably do better in a 34 C but not a 34 B. The cup on the 34 B will probably be too small.

Now some extra advice for my readers with overflowing cups...

A good bra is expensive. Sorry, but it's a fact. I haven't bought a bra for under $50 in several years. It sucks but it's a fact. I love Vicki, but she doesn't love me. My lady lumps unfortunately don't fit into Very Sexy bras. There will be no Semi-Annual Sale action for me, so what's a gal to do...

There are options!! High end dept. stores such as Nordstroms and Bloomingdales carry lines like Freya, Panache, and Chantelle who make frilly brassieres for busty bodies. A little birdie told me that select L'eggs Hanes Bali Playtex outlet stores carry Le Mystère bras (call ahead to find out). Big boobs on Broadway swear by Bratenders in NYC. They sell all types of specialty bras to make sure you look your best in any outfit.

For even more options I recommend Bravissimo. They're based in the UK but their selection is unmatched!! They not only sell bras, but also sell swimwear and clothing for busty people. I love this site because they recognize that busty doesn't = big girl. They have tops and dresses that are made for "curvy" women!

For domestic online shopping (for all bra sizes) I suggest Figleaves, Freshpair, and Bare Necessities. NOTE: before shopping online that u try on some bras in the store. US and UK bra sizes differ and it's good to see how a brand fits before putting out $$ for shipping.

I hope some of this info helps more women hold 'em high and proud... Whatever the size :)

Dress-up: Between the Sheets

Sometimes less is more.

We all know that most sexy lingerie ends up on the floor moments after it's revealed. One way to get more bang for your buck (pun definitely intended) is to put just as much thought into your bedding as you to your wardrobe. You wouldn't buy a shirt in an unflattering color so don't buy linens in a horrible hue. Everyone wants to look good naked and an easy way to do that is by selecting sheets that complement your coloring.

You also want sheets that feel sexy. I say skip the silky satins and stick with sateen cotton. High thread counts can be pricey but they're an investment. We spend 1/2 our lives in bed so pamper yourself.

Here are some good options:

Affordable - Home 600tc Sheets by Target in Rust; $30 - 80

Ballerific - Bicolor Sheets by Frette in Ivory/Yellow; $945 (yes I HAVE slept in these and they are instantaneously moisture inducing)

Dress-up: Just For Men

The naked man...

I realize that I have been neglecting my male readers in the dress-up department.  I've never been a huge fan of men in costumes.  I just like men fitted in finely tailored luxury clothing (though don't get me wrong... a beater and some sweats, or better yet, just a pair of sweats can be quite tasty).  Again I recognize that we are in a recession, so for the men out there on a budget,  I give you The Naked Man:

This "outfit" is best explained by Mitch from How I Met Your Mother -- "It's called 'The Naked Man'... You're on a first date and you've had a few drinks. You make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment. Then, once she leaves the room, you strip down naked and wait. When she comes back, she laughs. She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado -- she sleeps with you."

According to Mitch it works two out of every three times.  Use it wisely!

Dress-up: DIY

For all you crafty bitches out there...

So I realize that we are in a recession and a lot of the items I post are pricey.  That being said... today's dress-up idea costs Free ninety-nine!

I can't sew for shit past putting some buttons on a shirt and patching up a hole or two, but I know some of you domestic goddesses are highly skilled with a whip stitch, and they say there's nothing like homemade from scratch.  Aspiring fashion designers, penny pinchers... this blog is for you!

Instead of making your boo parade around in your Gordon Gartrell collection, here are step by step instructions on how to make your own, super cute lingerie:

Dress-up: Legware

She's got legs... knows how to use them!

Am I the only one who remembers that old ZZ Top song?  I hope not...  Anyways, today I'd like to talk about legware.  Now I know some women are scared of any type of stocking like item that isn't sold by Spanx, but trust me ladies, you too can wear garters and the like.  I've converted plenty of women and you self-doubters out there are no different.  The problem with stockings isn't you, it's sizing.

Here's the scenario:  You're in Victoria's Secret.  It's the Semi-Annual Sale.  You find some great, naughty, frilly thing w/ garters, in your size that's priced so low you can't put it down.  You walk over to the stocking section and start looking for your size and you discover that there are plenty A's and B's but not one size C or D.  OR, they only have a C in a terrible color, or, as is usually my case, you get home and they lied.  Size D does NOT fit women up to 5'9" tall, let alone my 5'8" frame.

Buying garter stockings is just like buying any thing else that goes on your lower half.... they're made for imaginary women who are about 5'4" with super slender thighs.  Most of us do not fit that profile.

The solution:  StockinGirl.com!

I stumbled across this site last year and it's been a favorite of mine ever since.  They sell reasonably priced garter stockings in tall and queen sizes, in a variety of styles and colors.  They also have some cute little outfits and good sales as well.

On top of garter stockings they also have a multitude of other legware available from socks to leggings in all types of patterns.

I'm a big fan of legware.  It adds punch to any ensemble and at times can make a naughty outfit. Don't believe me?  Next time you're hanging around the house w/ your honey, throw on snug beater, a pair of boy shorts and a pair of knee high slouch socks, or better yet, a pair of argyle, schoolgirlesq knee socks and some lip gloss and see what happens...

You'll thank me later ;)

Dress-up: Budget Bustier

Step aside Targét!

So this week I was out taking the bargain bin tour with my auntie.  She was shopping for an upcoming vaca and needed to pick a few things.  We stopped through Target, Wal-Mart and the Big K (yes, we did it all honey!).  While traipsing through Wal-Mart I was completely caught of guard when I discovered not only bustiers, but garter stockings and entire naughty lingerie sets in the sleepwear section.  WHO KNEW!?!?  Not me!

The image to the right is not just a place holder.  This is an actual lingerie set that is available on the racks at your neighborhood Wal-mart for the low price (looooowwww prices!!!)  of $15!  The devil is a liar and apparently so is Victoria!  For those who say they can't afford to buy frilly things and play dress up, you no longer have an excuse.

Stop bullshitting and pick up some censored baby makin' music and a corset or two the next time you're stocking up on toilet paper.

Dress-up: Cute Toes

It's Spring Time!

As the weather gets warmer, hemlines will go up and toes will come out.  That means it's time to up your foot game.  I'm sure I don't have to lecture on the importance of pedicures but I do want to take a moment to talk about polish...

Dressing up sexy isn't just about lace and frills... the devil is in the details.  Personally I'm not a huge nail polish fan.  I usually just keep my nails neat and trimmed, with a clear coat.  Feet on the other hand are a whole nother issue.  Bad feet and even a bad choice of polish color can be quite a turn off for men.  My suggestion for women is to keep it bright and bubblegummy.

I know fashion tells us that nudes, deep dark blue/blacks and metallics are in, but honestly... none of these are sexy on feet.  As trivial as it is, just ask a few men.  Most seem to have strong opinions on the subject.  My suggest for Spring is to choose something from the new Sephora Digital Diva collection  (retail price $9).  The colors are formulated by OPI so you get quality color and coverage for a fraction of the price or regular OPI lacquer.

sidenote: Do NOT buy the yellow.  I know I said pick one from the collection but really... you know that's NOT what I meant!