Freaky Friday: Bobbing for Apples

Here's a little giggle to get ya goin:

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Ask Cherry: Take That! Take That!

Hey Cherry!

Anal sex is definitely something women shy away from, and with good reason. Many a man (or woman ;-) ) get too anxious and try the ramming approach, rather than the slow motion route. Any advice on how to prep and go about enjoyable anal sex?

 

Thanks a bunch!

 

Cocoa Bisou

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Dear Cocoa,

The ramming approach is definitely a no no!  Knowledge and prep work are the keys to enjoyable anal sex and SAFE anal sex.  What makes anal sex so uncomfortable (or can make it flat out painful) is the sphincter muscle.  There's two parts to it, the inner and the outer, sphincter.  Both sphincter muscles stretch but the inner one is much tighter and requires a lot more "work" to loosen up.  So some men may take their time and get the "tip" in and then think it's all good to go ramming away, but really they've only conquered the first battle... there's a tougher one ahead.  Ramming away can do irreparable damage to your tushy.  If you force things in involuntarily, it can lead to them coming out involuntarily... BAD LOOK!

To make this easy let me just give a few general tips:

• HAVE YOU HAD YOUR #2 TODAY?!?!:  I know... gross, but it's a very VERY important and valid question.  If you're not too keen on the idea of sticking something in your ass then I'm sure you're probably worried about something coming out of it when and if you do.  I honestly suggest before any sort of sexual activity you make sure that you "clear the way". It's a good habit.   So if you can plan ahead, have a high fiber cereal for breakfast.  (I would caution against doing any sort of enema or anything immediately beforehand because it can cause more irritation than good)

• RELAX:  The sphincter is a muscle and it constricts so you've gotta calm down.  Yes, he/she wants to put it (whatever "it" might be) in there... are you okay w/ trying that?  If your answer is yes, then look him/her directly in the eye, take a hold of "it" (that will generally give you their full attention) and let them know that you're down, but they need to move at your speed and TAKE THEIR TIME.  Then, you take a deep breath and try to relax your ass (and by ass I mean literally your anus).  If you're still feeling a little tense tell them to use their tongue first... that will definitely get you more relaxed (no?!)

• LUBRICATION:  Man oh man, I can't say enough about lubrication.  Men don't seem to understand that unlike the kitty, the booty does not self-lubricate.  Also, the kitty is not a fountain from which astroglide flows.  They can't just dip in and then use whatever they find to help lubricate your anus.  Not if they're trying to put more than a finger or two in there.  You'll want to get a high-grade, water-based lubricant.  Anything greasy will breakdown the latex in your toys and/or condom rendering it useless.  I suggest KY or Astroglide.  Both are available at your neighborhood grocery store.

• START SLOW, START SMALL:  As I said the sphincter has to be loosened up.  I'd suggest starting with a finger (make sure the nails are trimmed... no coke nails, lee press-ons or acrylics allowed!!).  Lube it up and begin to work that in and out slowly, and pressing lightly from side to side.  The resistance he/she feels on the sides is the sphincter.  Your partner should be able to feel both the inner and outer sphincter and the difference in the tension of both.  Start with one finger, then two, then more if you feel comfortable.  From there you can graduate to maybe a small butt plug or dildo.

• ARE YOU READY YET!?!?:  Only you can decide when you're ready to put whatever "it" is in your ass.  Toys and penises come in different shapes and sizes.  It's ultimately up to you to decide how big is too big.

I think that's enough to get you started.  As always, if you're not comfortable and you think you don't want to try, then don't.  If your partner isn't will to take the time to do it right, then you shouldn't do them... ever again!

Have fun and don't forget... LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE!!!!!

- Cherry

Bedtime Stories: Amen

(I'm going to hell for posting this, I just know it lol)

Amen

by coffee © 2008

Janey was never really the religious type, but she'd humor her mother every once in a while and attend church, mainly during major holidays. This Sunday wasn't really a holiday but her mother had somehow conned her into attending because they had some new preacher everybody was all excited about. So instead of going out and shaking her ass Saturday night, she had stayed in and gotten a good night's rest and managed to wake up in time to pick up her mother and get to church before the 11am service started. Once she got a look at Pastor Williams she could see what all the excitement was about... He was fine. Actually, he was the finest preacher she'd ever seen... He was tall, well-built, brown-skinned and handsome, and had a deep, smooth voice that made her panties want to fall off. He had the congregation hanging on his every word, and when he hit the climax of his sermon the old church ladies were dropping like flies. In the row in front of hers, Mother Branson jumped up and started hollering. There weren't enough ushers to hold her down. It was the most excitement Janey’d ever seen at Holy Oak Baptist Church. When the choir started singing she felt overwhelmed by the spirit and was so moved she actually shed a tear or two. Then something strange happened… Pastor Williams had been humming along quietly as the choir sang but then raised the microphone to his lips and began singing, and oh lord could he sing.

“I don't know why….  I have to sigh sometimes,” he sang, his deep baritone filling the church to the rafters.

This put the congregation over the top. People were weeping and swaying, even the ushers were dabbing tears away. When he looked out over the congregation his eyes locked briefly with Janey’s and for a moment she felt like he was singing directly to her alone.

“I don't know why Lord… But I'll find out by and by,” he sang, and that’s when it happened. She had been swaying back and forth in her seat and suddenly discovered that the wonderful feeling she’d assumed was the holy ghost, had somehow turned into something terribly different, and she realized with infinite embarrassment and horror, that every time he glanced her way her pussy was getting wetter and wetter.

“Oh lord,” she whispered.

“Yes Lord!” her mother shouted out gleefully.

Her face flushed with embarrassment and she clutched the hymnal book tightly against her lap. She had always felt easily aroused this time of month, something to do with hormones before her cycle, but she’d never felt anything like this in church.

Pastor Williams started walking down the center aisle between the pews, still singing and rejoicing to the lord. The parishioners reached out to touch him as he walked by, and he stopped to hold Mother Jenkin’s hand for a moment until she collapsed to her knees sobbing. The ushers ran over with smelling salts and stiff cardboard church fans. He continued down the aisle and when he got to Janey’s pew he stopped and laid his hand softly on her shoulder. She tried to concentrate on Jesus, and her mother sitting next to her, and Mrs. Jenkins’ huge, ugly-ass church hat, but all she could think of was Pastor Williams long-stroking her over the back of a wooden church bench… and then… right before God, Pastor Williams and the entire congregation, with her eyes squeezed shut, and biting her lower lip hard enough to almost draw blood, she had a massive, earth-shattering, thigh-shaking orgasm. Apparently everyone just assumed she was having a religious experience because an usher ran over and started fanning her and the pastor continued down the aisle, still singing praises to the lord.

After the service ended, the congregation lined up to shake hands with Pastor Williams as they exited the church.

“Hello Mrs. Mills,” he said to Janey’s mother.

“Praise, Jesus! What a beautiful sermon!” she exclaimed, “I want you to meet my daughter!” she said, pushing Janey toward him. “I’ve never seen her more full of the spirit than I did today Pastor Williams!”

The pastor took Janey’s hand and rubbed it softly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you enjoyed the service.” Her faced flushed with embarrassment as she felt a quick post-orgasmic pussy twitch.

“We’ll be seeing you next Sunday?” he asked.

“Um, I might have to work,” she replied, pulling her hand away, anxious to get home and out of her soggy panties, “but I’ll do my best to get here.”

Unfortunately her mother ended up lingering in the church parking lot for damn near close to an hour chatting with the other old hens, and finally Janey ventured back into the church to find the ladies room. She knew she’d leave a wet spot on the back of her dress if she attempted to drive home this way, so she slipped off her damp panties, stuffed them into her tiny clutch bag and forced the snap closed. On the way out the bathroom she ran headlong into Pastor Williams, the overstuffed purse flew out of her hands, hit the ground sideways, the snap sprang open, and out fell her wet black lace panties. Before she could stop him Pastor Williams had reached down and picked up her purse… and her panties. Janey was almost certainly sure that she would die of embarrassment at that very  moment, yet she was strangely comforted by the fact that it would happen in a house of   God since she obviously had a lot of sins that would need forgiving.

Pastor Williams handed her back her purse and then, never taking his dark piercing eyes off hers, slipped the panties into his left suit pocket.

“I’ll see you next Sunday Sister Mills,” he said turning down hallway, his hand still deep in his left pocket, “Looking forward to putting the holy spirit in you.”

Dress-up: Budget Bustier

Step aside Targét!

So this week I was out taking the bargain bin tour with my auntie.  She was shopping for an upcoming vaca and needed to pick a few things.  We stopped through Target, Wal-Mart and the Big K (yes, we did it all honey!).  While traipsing through Wal-Mart I was completely caught of guard when I discovered not only bustiers, but garter stockings and entire naughty lingerie sets in the sleepwear section.  WHO KNEW!?!?  Not me!

The image to the right is not just a place holder.  This is an actual lingerie set that is available on the racks at your neighborhood Wal-mart for the low price (looooowwww prices!!!)  of $15!  The devil is a liar and apparently so is Victoria!  For those who say they can't afford to buy frilly things and play dress up, you no longer have an excuse.

Stop bullshitting and pick up some censored baby makin' music and a corset or two the next time you're stocking up on toilet paper.

Toybox: Fun Wand

Need I say more?

I think "Fun Wand" says it all! lol.  

Njoy Toys is the brains *pause* behind this shiny shaft.  At 8" long, this curved and knobbed wand is good for both g-spot and anal stimulation.  Some may balk at a dropping $95 on a toy that doesn't even vibrate, but this my friends is an investment piece that will last long after your the latex cracks on your rabbit, or the cord snaps on your bullet (yes, I pulled your card... you can have it back later).

Made of 316 surgical grade steel, the Fun Wand is highly durable, easy to sanitize and is nonporous.  Its weight (12oz) and graduated nuggets make it great for kegel exercises.

Another understated feature is the wands ability to hold and change temperature easily.  Stainless steel has a low 'specific heat' so it starts off cool (think drs. stethoscope) but will quickly warm to your body's temperature.

For bonus fun, try putting it in the fridge (DO NOT PUT IT IN THE FREEZER) for a few minutes before using, or dipping it in warm water.