7.17.2009

Freaky Friday: A Heart Shaped Box?

Does anyone around here speak Swedish?

Greetings from the land of Abba and oddly named furniture...

Swedish condom brand RFSU launched the site ShavethePussy.com in 2008 to promote their line of intimate shaving products. Sadly the English site had been shut down (mostly because they don't sell their products in the US) but their Swed site is still up. I don't speak Ikea but I know a hot mess when I see one. Please check out the "GALLERI" (second link on the bottom of their site). There are 801 pages of creative choncha cuts to choose from.

Please comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts lol!

7.15.2009

Bedtime Stories: OMG!















OMG
by KAJE©

During his lunch hour Craig had to make a quick trip over to the HR department to drop off a form. The HR department occupies a building about a quarter of a mile from the building in which Craig works.

After dropping the form off with HR, Craig rides the elevator down to the first floor. For the elevator ride down to the first floor Craig is joined by two men who are busy texting away on their phones. Craig allows them to get off the elevator first. He shakes his head as he watches them continue to text while walking off the elevator.

Craig is still shaking his head as he begins to step off the elevator. As he does he comes within inches of colliding with Ruth. Luckily Craig is able to stop in his tracks before colliding with what he now sees is a gorgeous woman standing in front of him.

Craig smiles, steps aside and begins to walk away from the elevator. As he does Craig says quietly to himself, “oh my god, I would love to make her scream.”

Craig then hears a female voice say, “excuse me, what did you say?”

He turns to Ruth who is walking alongside him. She must have changed her mind and decided not to get on the elevator. And it appears that she heard what he just muttered to himself.

Craig plays dumb. “What?”

“What did you just say?” Ruth asks.

“Nothing. I didn’t even know you were there. I didn’t say anything to you”, says Craig.

“I know you didn’t say anything to me. But you definitely said something about me”, Ruth responds.

Craig opens his mouth intending to continue his act of ignorance, but instead says, “I am very sorry. That was inappropriate of me to say. I didn’t realize you were near me. I was taken aback by you and blurted out like an idiot. Please accept my apology”, he says.

“What do you mean you were taken aback by me?” asks Ruth.

“I was focused on the techno geeks who were in the elevator with me. As a result I was not paying attention and I nearly ran into you. And then when I looked up I was stunned by how amazingly beautiful you are. And then I blurted out something inappropriate”, says Craig.

“Yes, I think you said, “oh my god, I would love to make her scream”. Did I hear you correctly? Is that what you said?” asks Ruth.

Craig doesn’t respond. He merely blushes and nods his head. Suddenly he realizes that this woman could be someone in the HR department and that he could be in serious trouble.

“You need to come with me”, Ruth says to Craig.

Not knowing what he has gotten himself into Craig follows her. Ruth leads Craig down a hallway adjacent to the elevator to a room that is marked “Conference”. She keys in a code to the touchpad lock and opens the door. Ruth then steps aside and allows Craig to enter the room first.

Ruth enters the room behind him. She is standing next to the light switch, but makes no attempt to turn on the light. The room is only lit by the light coming in from the hallway.

“Show me”, says Ruth.

“Excuse me. Show you what?” asks Craig.

“Show me that you can make me scream”, she says. Ruth then closes the door behind her as she steps toward Craig.

The room becomes totally dark except for the little slice of light underneath the door. However, that is enough light that Craig can still see how stunningly beautiful Ruth she is as she approaches him.

Craig pauses for a few seconds and then leans forward and lightly kisses her on the lips. He then takes her by the waist and lifts her up onto the table. Craig then helps her lay back. Ruth is now lying on her back on the table with her lower legs hanging over the end of the table.

Craig pulls a chair up to the table and sits down at the head of the long conference table. He positions himself between Ruth’s legs. He then takes hold of each of her ankles and rests them on the arms of the chair he is sitting in.

Craig then slides his hand up each of her bare legs. He massages her calves on his way upward. He then moves over her thighs as his hands continue their journey upward.

Craig takes hold of the edge of her skirt as his hands pass under it. He then pushes the front of her skirt up over her hips. The rear of her skirt remains underneath her ass. Craig’s fingers then hook each side of her lace panties and he begins to smoothly pull them down her legs.

She lifts her feet as Craig pulls the panties over each of her high heels. Ruth has been staring into Craig’s eyes the whole time and watches closely as he raises the panties to his nose and breathes in. Craig then slides the panties into his right pants pocket.

Craig then moves his hands to the sides of Ruth’s hips and begins moving her toward him. With her skirt underneath her ass on this freshly polished conference table Ruth glides as if she were on ice. Craig slides her up to the edge of the table so that the skirt underneath her ass hangs over the side. He replaces her feet on the arms of the chair. Her hips are at the very edge of the table right in front of his face.

Craig takes the tips of his index and middle finger from his left hand and lightly runs them through the small patch of closely trimmed pubic hair directly above her lips. He then slides those two fingers downward. Craig separates his fingers so that they go to the outside edge of her lips. His fingers barely touches her lips as he traces the outline of her pussy.

Craig’s fingers come together when he reaches the bottom. He then continues downward with those two fingers slicing between her amazingly tight ass cheeks. Craig feels Ruth jump slightly when one of his finger tips touch her asshole. Craig smiles to himself as the thought of entering her ass with something much more substantial than his finger crosses his mind.

Craig then lowers his mouth and moves his tongue to her skin. Craig’s tongue follows the path that his fingers just traced. He moves down the right side or her pussy until he reaches the space between her pussy and her ass. Craig then rubs his tongue over this space. In response Ruth arches her back and lifts her ass up slightly.

Craig then moves his tongue up the other side until her reaches her clit. He then uses his index finger and thumb from his left hand to reveal her clit. Then Craig slowly moves his tongue in a counterclockwise circle around her clit.

As his tongue circles her clit Craig for the first time hears a noise come from her. He is not sure whether it was a gasp or a sigh. However, either way it is clear to him that the noise represents pleasure.

Craig moves his tongue back down the right side. This time he uses his tongue to separate her outer lip. He moves more slowly as his tongue gently moves from side to side across the surface of her exposed right lip.

When he reaches the space between her pussy and ass, Craig once again pauses to run his tongue repeatedly over this area. He then begins to move back up the left side. As he does he parts the left lip the same way that he did the right lip. He also moves his tongue from side to side across the surface of the left lip.

As Craig’s tongue reaches the top he once again uses the thumb and index finger from his right hand to expose her clit. Just as he did before Craig moves his tongue around her clit in a counterclockwise motion. Although this time he circles her clit twice.

Now Craig slides the tip of his tongue down the middle of her lips. Craig applies a little pressure against her opening but makes no attempt to press his tongue inside.

After running his tongue over the space between her pussy and ass Craig once again moves upward. This time he adds even more pressure from the tip of his tongue. As he moves over her opening the tip of his tongue slightly penetrates Ruth. Craig hears another noise from her. This one is unmistakably a gasp. He smiles as he continues to move upward.

As Craig circles her clit three times he hears Ruth begins to pant. He knows she is ablaze from the touch of his tongue. He knows she won’t last much longer.

Craig moves his tongue back down. This time he uses the flat surface of his tongue to lick her all the way down. He then starts back up again licking her with the wide portion of his tongue. When he reaches her opening Craig presses his tongue deeply inside Ruth.

Ruth nearly comes off the table. She grabs the sides of the table and arches her back even higher. She then lifts her right leg off the arm of the chair and wraps it around the back of Craig’s head. As she does Craig continues to penetrate her with his full tongue.

Craig withdraws his tongue and moves back upward. As he finds Ruth’s clit again Craig slides the index finger and middle finger from his right hand all the way into her. She can take no more. She slaps the table with both her hands as an enormous tremor of orgasm begins to overtake her. As Craig repeatedly slides his two fingers deeply in and out of her, Ruth begins to scream, “oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD….”

After leaving the conference room Craig and Ruth walk silently toward the elevators. As they reach the elevators the doors to an elevator opens. Craig turns and looks at Ruth. She moves to the opening door and holds her hand against it to keep it from closing. She then steps into the elevator and moves her hand thereby allowing the door to start to close. Craig opens his mouth to speak but the door closes before he has a chance to ask her name.

As Craig turns and begins walking away he puts his right hand in his pants pocket. Craig smiles broadly as he pulls out Ruth's lace panties.

7.13.2009

Dress-up: Between the Sheets

Sometimes less is more.

We all know that most sexy lingerie ends up on the floor moments after it's revealed. One way to get more bang for your buck (pun definitely intended) is to put just as much thought into your bedding as you to your wardrobe. You wouldn't buy a shirt in an unflattering color so don't buy linens in a horrible hue. Everyone wants to look good naked and an easy way to do that is by selecting sheets that complement your coloring.

You also want sheets that feel sexy. I say skip the silky satins and stick with sateen cotton. High thread counts can be pricey but they're an investment. We spend 1/2 our lives in bed so pamper yourself.

Here are some good options:
Affordable - Home 600tc Sheets by Target in Rust; $30 - 80
Ballerific - Bicolor Sheets by Frette in Ivory/Yellow; $945 (yes I HAVE slept in these and they are instantaneously moisture inducing)

7.12.2009

Toybox: Elise

Silent, but deadly...

Horror story 1: It's 2am, you're too horny to sleep and neither hand is quite doing the job. You reach for a toy but at this oh so silent hour of the night it sounds more like a buzz saw than a bullet.

Horror story 2: "Mmmmmm... oooooooh... yes... almost... WHAT THE F!?!?!" (vibrator slows to a slow rumble and then gives out) "Great! What else in this house has AA batteries?!"

Both situations suck (sadly not literally)!

Here's a solution: The Elise

This pretty purple pleasure giver is one of the more reasonably priced items available from the bougie skanks over at Lelo. With a retail price of $169, I know I may get a few side-eyes for calling this "reasonably priced" but in comparison to her $10,500, 18k gold-plated cousin Inez; Elise is a cheap date.

What makes her worth it?
  1. A moaner not a screamer... Elise is whisper quiet.
  2. Plug it in... it has a rechargeable ion battery and comes with an AC adapter.
  3. You break it, they fix it... if you've ever broken a great toy (hey, it happens) you know how awesome a 1yr warranty is.
  4. Double your pleasure... there are two separate vibrating points in the shaft that work in harmony to deepen your experience.
  5. The bitch is fly... look how sleek and smooth she is; classy not trashy!