Ask Cherry: Take That! Take That!

Hey Cherry!

Anal sex is definitely something women shy away from, and with good reason. Many a man (or woman ;-) ) get too anxious and try the ramming approach, rather than the slow motion route. Any advice on how to prep and go about enjoyable anal sex?

 

Thanks a bunch!

 

Cocoa Bisou

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Dear Cocoa,

The ramming approach is definitely a no no!  Knowledge and prep work are the keys to enjoyable anal sex and SAFE anal sex.  What makes anal sex so uncomfortable (or can make it flat out painful) is the sphincter muscle.  There's two parts to it, the inner and the outer, sphincter.  Both sphincter muscles stretch but the inner one is much tighter and requires a lot more "work" to loosen up.  So some men may take their time and get the "tip" in and then think it's all good to go ramming away, but really they've only conquered the first battle... there's a tougher one ahead.  Ramming away can do irreparable damage to your tushy.  If you force things in involuntarily, it can lead to them coming out involuntarily... BAD LOOK!

To make this easy let me just give a few general tips:

• HAVE YOU HAD YOUR #2 TODAY?!?!:  I know... gross, but it's a very VERY important and valid question.  If you're not too keen on the idea of sticking something in your ass then I'm sure you're probably worried about something coming out of it when and if you do.  I honestly suggest before any sort of sexual activity you make sure that you "clear the way". It's a good habit.   So if you can plan ahead, have a high fiber cereal for breakfast.  (I would caution against doing any sort of enema or anything immediately beforehand because it can cause more irritation than good)

• RELAX:  The sphincter is a muscle and it constricts so you've gotta calm down.  Yes, he/she wants to put it (whatever "it" might be) in there... are you okay w/ trying that?  If your answer is yes, then look him/her directly in the eye, take a hold of "it" (that will generally give you their full attention) and let them know that you're down, but they need to move at your speed and TAKE THEIR TIME.  Then, you take a deep breath and try to relax your ass (and by ass I mean literally your anus).  If you're still feeling a little tense tell them to use their tongue first... that will definitely get you more relaxed (no?!)

• LUBRICATION:  Man oh man, I can't say enough about lubrication.  Men don't seem to understand that unlike the kitty, the booty does not self-lubricate.  Also, the kitty is not a fountain from which astroglide flows.  They can't just dip in and then use whatever they find to help lubricate your anus.  Not if they're trying to put more than a finger or two in there.  You'll want to get a high-grade, water-based lubricant.  Anything greasy will breakdown the latex in your toys and/or condom rendering it useless.  I suggest KY or Astroglide.  Both are available at your neighborhood grocery store.

• START SLOW, START SMALL:  As I said the sphincter has to be loosened up.  I'd suggest starting with a finger (make sure the nails are trimmed... no coke nails, lee press-ons or acrylics allowed!!).  Lube it up and begin to work that in and out slowly, and pressing lightly from side to side.  The resistance he/she feels on the sides is the sphincter.  Your partner should be able to feel both the inner and outer sphincter and the difference in the tension of both.  Start with one finger, then two, then more if you feel comfortable.  From there you can graduate to maybe a small butt plug or dildo.

• ARE YOU READY YET!?!?:  Only you can decide when you're ready to put whatever "it" is in your ass.  Toys and penises come in different shapes and sizes.  It's ultimately up to you to decide how big is too big.

I think that's enough to get you started.  As always, if you're not comfortable and you think you don't want to try, then don't.  If your partner isn't will to take the time to do it right, then you shouldn't do them... ever again!

Have fun and don't forget... LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE!!!!!

- Cherry