Ask Cherry: Sweat It Out?

Hi Cherry,

 

I've often heard men say they are very turned off when their women come to bed with a bonnet or scarf on their head.  As a Black woman with relaxed hair, it is very important that my hair is neatly wrapped before my head hits the pillow.  Now what am I to do?  I don't want to turn my man off, but I spend too much money on regular visits to the salon to just blow my hair maintenance.  How do you suggest I handle this situation?  And is there a sexy alternative to the scarf or bonnet?

 

Sincerely,

 

Trying To Make It Last

###

Dear Trying To Make It Last,

The first thing you need to do is be realistic... you and him.  There's no way you're gonna be able to jump in bed every night, hair free, and then wake up looking like the latest cover of Magazine... it ain't gon' happen.  You can however meet a man 1/2 way.  Here are a few tips:

• Schedule things out- If you get your wig tightened every Saturday then Fridays night should be "Hair-Free" night.  If you're like me and you only go to the hairdresser (or do your do yourself) ever other week, if it's not touch up time you don't mind rocking a ponytail or a hair clip for a day, give him two scarfless nights
• Step your game up- If you're gonna wear a scarf to bed and won't be sleeping alone, wear a nice scarf (i.e., no bandanas... which you shouldn't wear anyways, cotton is terrible on your hair, but that's another post).  You know how you wear a fly scarf to the beach, do the same when you head to bed.  I'm not saying you have to put a layer of Pucci between you and the pillow, but hit up the thrift store, get a pretty/fashionable scarf, something that complements your coloring, and when it gets greasy wash it or toss it and cop a new one
• Accessorize- In addition to a nicer scarf, try sleeping in a small pair of earrings, and throw on some lip gloss before bed.  It can make a world of difference and make you look less like a cancer patient.  Also, that bit of gloss prevent AM chapped lips
  
• Highlight Your Best Assets- Mean are easily distracted.  Wear something that will draw his attention away from your head... in other words, no oversized, holey t-shirts w/ head scarves.
• Make a Deal- Most stores have a policy of "you break it, you bought it"... so can you!  Men are jackasses and most get off on fucking up your hairdo.  I think money to fix your hair is a great alternative to a scarf
• Get Even- If your man has cornrow, next time he sleeps over w/ fresh braids, get on top one night and rub his head all in the pillow... fuzz them bad boys up and see how he likes having to get newly laid hair redone

I think these suggestions can help the situation, but at the end of the day a scarf should not be a deal breaker.  While you shouldn't go to bed looking like a leper, he shouldn't expect you to look picture perfect 24/hrs a day.  If you make an effort and he keeps bitching, kick his bitchass to the curb!

- Cherry